Thursday, September 9, 2010

You Choose

This past week and a half was crazy. I "Let Life Live Through Me," and all on the same day (two Mondays ago): 1) I was called for an interview for a grant writing position at a large healing and wellness nonprofit; 2) a former corporate co-worker asked for my number so she could talk with her boss about me writing business plans for them; 3) a former corporate employee of mine asked if I would provide consulting on her company's proposals; and 4) another former corporate co-worker called from a different company to see if I wanted to manage proposals for them. All on the same day.

That was Monday. And as Tuesday, Wednesday, etc., unfolded, I continued (and continue) to Live in the Moment, and Let Life Live Through Me. I haven't gotten too attached to any of the opportunities, though my mind plays the "I want this/I don't want this" game, and I've watched as the grant writing position seems to be the leader in the unfolding work category - it is happening quite easily and rapidly. This is how they say it would be.

There were two interviews for the grant writer position. The first went very well, yet the interviewer explained that the hours were sometimes exhausting, even unhealthy, and that the previous grant writer left because of the hours. The second interview was with the boss, and when I asked about long exhausting hours, he said "they try not to let it go that far" and then he changed the subject. Exhausting hours was how I ended up leaving my last job three years ago.

But that was the past. THIS is the present. So for me to dwell on the story of how I'd "been there done that" would be letting the past take over and instilling fear into what I'm experiencing Now. So I'm chosing presence, and in this state, I am aware of all possibilities, yet I'm not dwelling on or suffering through the negative ones. Instead, I am focusing on the creativity and potential of helping so many people. The position at this wellness center has incredible potential to allow creativity to flow through me into the healing programs. Helping people in whole-body wellness is something I've been interested in for four or five years, and this Grant Writer position arising at this health center is amazing - as if the Universe not only took some of my older ideas, but made them even better. It all makes sense as far as what feels good to me Now.

And, it feels like this is the direction I'm being prompted to go by the natural impulse of the Universe. Over the past three years, I've experienced a lot and learned a lot about who I am. I've removed layers of heavy issues within myself, so the ultiamte truth is, if this job doesn't match my energy, then I'll be moved into something else. It's important not to get attached to things - jobs, material things, people, places - because everything is impermanent in this world. That's another story entirely, and many people want to philosophize about how cold and callous that sounds, but it's not because of the love one holds for everything. It's sort of like "if you love it, let it go; if it was meant to come back to you, it will." And when it comes back after you let it go, isn't the love all the sweeter? Anyway, as I said, that's a different story.

For now, this is what "Letting Life Live Through Me" looks like as I move into something new that only looks like an old familiar face, but can be so much more. There are all these negative possbilities, and yet, the organization I'll be working for says the grant writers are the creators of the wellness programs - that there is the ability to allow my ideas to flow into what may end up helping hundres or thousands of people. To me, it is worth the peek into the abyss to see what the positive possibilities are, and to not stare at the dark, negative possibilities. Because when you think about negative stuff and talk about negative stuff, then you'll see loads of negative stuff come to you. And when you think about good stuff, talk about good stuff, and stare at good stuff, you'll see loads of good stuff come to you. It's a dual universe: Good, bad. You choose.

So now, the intent is to focus on the good stuff. And continue to Let Life Live Through Me.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Finding Peace in Life

...Nine months later (, the gestation period of a human being!)

...I've been practicing letting life live through me. And no, I'm not pregnant!

Letting "life live through me" means trusting that if I do what I love and enjoy, and if I stay present and don't subscribe to fear, life will unfold in unpredictable and beautiful ways. Life will no longer be serious and hard, and the sense of wanting something else would subside, eventually going away. Leaving peace, contentment, and a subtle sense of happiness.

Over the past 9 months, I haven't been entirely sure "letting life live through me" would pay my bills and mortgage or bring peace to my life. Yet I have been "letting life live through me" now for longer than 9 months, and I'm paying the bills, though my busy mind often won't let me live in peace. But mind is another story, and I'll talk about it another time. For now, suffice to say that I have not been able to get a job, yet money does come - usually in unexpected ways. So, I am officially dedicating my life to finding out if by "letting life live through me" whether it will work or not. I'll post my experiences and the outcome here.

Will the things I end up "doing" while I'm "Being" (letting life live through me) work for someone else - make someone else happy? Probably not. Because you have different likes and dislikes than me. But if you follow the formula: Do what you enjoy doing, be present, don't "do" out of fear (i.e., if you take a job that will make you miserable, that is doing out of fear.) ... well, then you have the recipe for a peaceful life.

The human condition is that we as individuals in this world have to MAKE things happen. And it does work, at a price. It brings with it exhaustion, illness, disease, depression, fear, and a deep unhappiness. A not-enoughness.

My experiment is to stop "making things happen," and to begin to Allow Life To Live Through Me. This is not a religion or a philosophy. It is simply Being in this world.

The biggest myth around Being is that if you stop making things happen, you aren't contributing. That if you are simply Being, you'll be sitting in a cave or on a couch, drooling (as Byron Katie says), letting life pass you by and not contributing to the world at all. NO! In fact, it is quite the opposite. Becuse when you are in the moment, you are compelled to take action in the things that you enjoy. You are compelled to go "do" things, but you aren't seeking an identity in them, you're having fun and enjoying them, and you come to realize over time that it's not you doing them, it's life moving through you. It's living at a level and in a way that most humans don't know how to live. All animals and plants do, but not 99% of humans.

Humans are the only living beings on this planet that cannot simply Be. We have to DO (make things happen) all the time, and we believe if we don't DO, we are failures, we aren't "towing the load" or carrying our burden. What a crock. And how sad that 90+ % of our society subscribes to this belief. And so when we experiment with Being, the rest of the world tends to watch us with curiosity, like they're staring at a morbid car crash as they drive by. It's so compelling to look, because won't I see mayhem? Maybe some blood?

And they wonder, Will it work? It's rather like a fairy tale. So they watch and wonder. And instead of blood, life looks very quiet and tranquil. Because when you are Being and taking action from that place of Being Present, you discover you don't need the social standing or money or impressive car and house. And yet life is giving you all you need, and even things you no longer think you need. You become the very thing that will make you a success in their eyes. And by the time you become their version of a success, none of the material things (house, car, Prada purse) and social standing will matter. Because you ... because I ... will have found peace in life.