Thursday, September 9, 2010

You Choose

This past week and a half was crazy. I "Let Life Live Through Me," and all on the same day (two Mondays ago): 1) I was called for an interview for a grant writing position at a large healing and wellness nonprofit; 2) a former corporate co-worker asked for my number so she could talk with her boss about me writing business plans for them; 3) a former corporate employee of mine asked if I would provide consulting on her company's proposals; and 4) another former corporate co-worker called from a different company to see if I wanted to manage proposals for them. All on the same day.

That was Monday. And as Tuesday, Wednesday, etc., unfolded, I continued (and continue) to Live in the Moment, and Let Life Live Through Me. I haven't gotten too attached to any of the opportunities, though my mind plays the "I want this/I don't want this" game, and I've watched as the grant writing position seems to be the leader in the unfolding work category - it is happening quite easily and rapidly. This is how they say it would be.

There were two interviews for the grant writer position. The first went very well, yet the interviewer explained that the hours were sometimes exhausting, even unhealthy, and that the previous grant writer left because of the hours. The second interview was with the boss, and when I asked about long exhausting hours, he said "they try not to let it go that far" and then he changed the subject. Exhausting hours was how I ended up leaving my last job three years ago.

But that was the past. THIS is the present. So for me to dwell on the story of how I'd "been there done that" would be letting the past take over and instilling fear into what I'm experiencing Now. So I'm chosing presence, and in this state, I am aware of all possibilities, yet I'm not dwelling on or suffering through the negative ones. Instead, I am focusing on the creativity and potential of helping so many people. The position at this wellness center has incredible potential to allow creativity to flow through me into the healing programs. Helping people in whole-body wellness is something I've been interested in for four or five years, and this Grant Writer position arising at this health center is amazing - as if the Universe not only took some of my older ideas, but made them even better. It all makes sense as far as what feels good to me Now.

And, it feels like this is the direction I'm being prompted to go by the natural impulse of the Universe. Over the past three years, I've experienced a lot and learned a lot about who I am. I've removed layers of heavy issues within myself, so the ultiamte truth is, if this job doesn't match my energy, then I'll be moved into something else. It's important not to get attached to things - jobs, material things, people, places - because everything is impermanent in this world. That's another story entirely, and many people want to philosophize about how cold and callous that sounds, but it's not because of the love one holds for everything. It's sort of like "if you love it, let it go; if it was meant to come back to you, it will." And when it comes back after you let it go, isn't the love all the sweeter? Anyway, as I said, that's a different story.

For now, this is what "Letting Life Live Through Me" looks like as I move into something new that only looks like an old familiar face, but can be so much more. There are all these negative possbilities, and yet, the organization I'll be working for says the grant writers are the creators of the wellness programs - that there is the ability to allow my ideas to flow into what may end up helping hundres or thousands of people. To me, it is worth the peek into the abyss to see what the positive possibilities are, and to not stare at the dark, negative possibilities. Because when you think about negative stuff and talk about negative stuff, then you'll see loads of negative stuff come to you. And when you think about good stuff, talk about good stuff, and stare at good stuff, you'll see loads of good stuff come to you. It's a dual universe: Good, bad. You choose.

So now, the intent is to focus on the good stuff. And continue to Let Life Live Through Me.