The Mirror and the Teacher

OK, more deep stuff from the deep-cold capitol of the nation. Perhaps being driven indoors by prolonged subzero temperatures is making me exceedingly "thought-ful".

A few weeks ago before the cold snap (it's up to -10 degrees F), I was walking my dog Brandy. Visualize this pooch on this trail ...

In this season, same trail...

...And as Brandy eagerly leapt out of the truck to go for our walk, I suddenly realized I was watching her intently - as if for the first time. I noted how happy she was to just be there, to be with me, doing Stuff with mom. She didn't care what the weather was, what we were doing, or where we were going. We were together. I know others have seen this before, as have I. But it was as if I was watching her for the first time...

And then I had the realization. She was in her moment, and in that moment, she was pure, unconditional love. A familiar thought, but this was one of those rare moments that a familiar thought becomes crystal clear - and it completely integrated into me.

As I watched her trotting along beside me joyful in her Now, I recalled the times when I had "had a bad day," been angry or grumpy, or snapped at her, or ignored her ...

...In that moment of grumpiness or anger, she observed me. She held a space for me to be what I thought I needed to be. Then, in the next moment, I may have gazed into her observing face and realized my state. I may have let go of the anger as I could see it reflected in her calm face as she observed me.

Negative feelings seem to be only background noise sometimes, and one can't even really say why one feels the way they do. But I have learned that all negative feelings are tied to regretting the past or worrying about the future. The only place where there is no anger or grumpiness or frustration is the Now. And so as Brandy's warm brown eyes observed my face, I may have slipped into the Now. And I saw her recognize that I was back - I was in the Now with her. And she went from observer to pure joy, still holding unconditional love for me.

This dog never lives in the past. She is always in her Now. Very present, very aware, very nonjudgmental.

I can only laugh at myself as I realize with great humility, that this canine, this brown-eyed, warm-bodied creature who came into my life, is not here because I deemed her my pet. She is not in my household because I rescued her from a puppy rescue, to meet my needs as a pet owner or a dog lover. These are illusions of a dog owner. We crossed each other's paths in a mutual agreement. She is giving me the opportunity to watch her and learn. By being present, she is residing in joy.

Does this mean she should open an Ashram atop a Himalayan mountain and go into month-long meditations with a following? Probably not. She's actually not so great when it comes to the cold, and her down doggy jacket induces paralysis, as her vet has observed (note to self: put jacket on after she gets out of the truck - otherwise, she tends to fall out of the truck with legs extended).

Brandy is here, agreeing to be in my life as an unusual and extraordinary friend. She reflects back to me all that I express toward her.

When I let go of the negative, she reflects only pure love and pure energy. She is joy in motion. And how lovely that she is as in touch with her spirituality - or more so - than any great spiritual guru sitting atop a Himalayan mountain. She is spirituality. She doesn't even need to seek it.

To be like her; to just be whole: mind, body, spirit - no seeking of the spiritual, but to just be all of it. And then to be this whole person while in the company of others. Wow. Just being present for another person. And maybe they can see themselves as I hold space for them, just as I see myself when Brandy holds a space for me. Holding nothing but love for them and their situation, with no judgment. Just as Brandy does for me. That is true unconditional love. It's not about sacrificing or being really really nice to a person. Or cajoling or empathizing. It is about being present for that person. Holding space for that person in the moment.

Brandy is my teacher of unconditional love.

Crappy Cell Phone Love

I woke up at 5:30 a.m. out of a dead sleep this morning and thought, "I will never buy a Samsung cell phone again!" and then I thought, "It's my money, I will MAKE my daughter return that crappy new phone that doesn't hold a charge!" and I absolutely believed I was right. Who wouldn't? I spent $200 on a phone that doesn't work unless it's near an electrical outlet. Yeah, that makes a whole lot of sense in our lifestyle. We live in Alaska, and if we're not out enjoying the wilderness, my daughter and I are still often miles apart. The cell phones are supposed to be reliable and lend a certain amount of comfort that we can communicate.

My daughter and I even exchanged the battery through AT&T's warranty program, but the new battery didn't last any longer than the first. And my head-strong teenage daughter, whom I love and is the light of my life, refuses to return it.

Regardless, there I was in a comfortable bed at 5:30 on the first morning of the New Year, and a morning I could have slept in, and the only thing I could think about was the crappy phone and how I could send it back, and I was feeling pretty negative.

Take it back!

I knew that this negativity was not what I wanted, but I also felt my thoughts surrounding this phone were right. Still, my goal is to become peaceful all the way around. The struggle was really not about AT&T, crappy Samsung products -- or my daughter. The struggle was born from my believing negative thoughts. Thoughts come and go - good thoughts, negative thoughts, neutral thoughts. It is up to us to become the observer of our thoughts, and choose the ones we want to feel.

So as I observed the negative feelings overwhelming me in my nice warm bed, I realized that was my wakeup call to do Byron Katie's questions ... to do The Work. At 5:30 a.m.

I've done enough of The Work to know which thought I would need to accept to have peaceful feelings. I jumped ahead of myself before I began the questions, and felt uncomfortable that this "other" thought, this "positive" thought, seemed a little Pollyanna-ish. In that moment, it didn't feel right to me at all. After all, as of that moment, I had disliked Samsung products for approximately 6 months, 9 days, and 17 hours. I didn't like them because it didn't seem right to pay hundreds of dollars for a product that is not of satisfactory quality. I won't go there now, but just for the record... grrrrr.

So, the statement is: I will never buy another Samsung.

Is it true? Yes, they suck.

Is it absolutely true that I will never buy another Samsung?

Well, no, maybe not. I can't really say anything is absolutely true. Plus, I already did buy another Samsung ... 6 months, 9 days and 17 hours ago, after I said I wouldn't. So no, it may not be true that I will never buy another Samsung; I can't know that for sure.

So then I asked, Who would I be without this thought? I'd be peaceful, calm, happy. I'd be this chick on the right, but without the breast implants, the short-shorts, or the belly-button-diving T. I'd even get my power back, and I'd feel positive, peaceful energy because of it. (Why is it that you can find a large variety of stock images of angry people with cell phones, but no images of happy people with cell phones - unless they have large breasts?)

What would the turnaround be? "I am willing to buy another Samsung." That was a hard one to sit with. Our world has always told us, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me..." But no! Even Byron Katie says in her book Loving What Is that when she first started questioning her negative thoughts, she found her answers were going against everything that her friends, family and the rest of the world found perfectly acceptable and true - without inquiry. And while they struggled with their thoughts, she found peace in her truth after inquiry.

So found that I am willing to buy another Samsung under certain circumstances. And I began to work on the harder thought: "My daughter should return that crappy new $200 phone that doesn't hold a charge." She's been resisting it because it's what I want. We have 30 days to return the product.

So, I thought, is it absolutely true that my daughter should return the phone?

No, she doesn't have to return it, and if she doesn't return it, we'll all still be alive and okay.

How do I feel when I believe my daughter, light of my life, should return the crappy new phone?

Very negative, righteously indignant - I felt it in my solar plexus, so my sense of offense was very high because the solar plexus is the "I am." Interestingly, my righteousness is tied to the cost of the phone - money. And money is always about self-worth and self-value. Buuut, that's another blog...

Who would I be without the thought that my daughter should return the phone? I'd be so peaceful, and calm. And for the turnaround: My daughter should not return the phone. I saw myself look at her calmly and saying, "OK, honey. If this is the phone you want, it's yours." AND I would mean it without sarcasm or this thought: "...FINE! and you're stuck with it forever!"

When you do The Work, you do not say it is true for you unless it really is. So I have to really mean it when I tell my daughter that she can keep the phone.

Byron Katie never insists that a person find their own thought untrue if they still believe it is true. She may guide them into further inquiry, but if it is still "this is true for me," then she accepts that without judgment, and moves on. And she's right, because if it's not what is true for that person, they are not ready to find a new thought that would let the negativity go. When they are ready, they will know.

What is your thought that brings you grief, anger or frustration? Write it out, and ask, Is it true? Is it absolutely true? How do you react when you think that thought? See yourself in your predicament, then ask yourself who would I be if I didn't believe that thought? Then the last step, turn the thought around.

Winter Solstice

Yay! December 21 is here, and the days will begin to get longer. This is a celebration that especially northern climates can truly appreciate, and for me, it is WONDERFUL! More light, new beginnings, and gratitude toward the time of surrender, which brought us clarity in what we want for the time of growth and warmth. Winter Solstice, Yule, is finally here.

While January 1 is a great time of celebration and "ringing in the new year" with those who are on consumer time, I recognize the Winter Solstice as Earth's New Year; a time when the shift to light brings longer days.

From an early-morning meditation, I found action through inspired thought for 2009...

1. Breathe Deep Every Day. Do several deep and slow breaths in a row, until you feel slightly light headed. Do this when the thought of deep breathing comes to you; even if you only have time for one or two deep breaths, breathe in deeply and consciously, exhale consciously.



2. Meditate. Heard it a thousand times, but this is key to our awakening. You will be provided with time every day to meditate 10 to 30 minutes – it is up to you to recognize that the time is there and that your intention for that time is for meditation. To deep breathe with meditation is even more beneficial.

Meditation is key because time is speeding up, and as it does, events and situations stick and pile up faster, forming a clotted mound as the day or week goes by, giving us the sensation that we are overwhelmed and confused… not to mention the fact that our big issues come slamming into that mound, sticking even bigger masses to the clot, creating more confusion, fogginess and frustration. When we meditate, the speeding up of time not only stops, but time stops period. Our mind is no longer worrying about the future or torturing ourselves about the past. We are simply in the Moment. The effects of speeded-up time are neutralized and defused, allowing chunks of the clot (issues) to release into the flow of universal energy. Being in the Now is the only way to stop time - Now is the only time that is real or matters. The confusion will be left behind, you will recognize the beauty of this moment in your journey, and recognize that “what is” is perfect in this moment.

3. Become Aware of Old Patterns. Simply becoming conscious of your patterns will begin the process of undoing and breaking the pattern. But you must make the concerted effort of identifying what patterns you have (when you have strong negative emotions about situations or people, there is a pattern present). If you become aware of a pattern, try using the Byron Katie 4-question technique. For more information, please visit her website http://www.thework.com/index.asp , and read her books "Loving What Is" and "A Thousand Names Joy". If you're not a reader or would like to watch her technique in action, check out the videos on her website

4. Focus on Your Issues, Stay Out of Other People’s Issues. This goes hand-in-hand with #3 and can be applied to personal, national, and global situations. You cannot force change on other people or situations and expect it to work out just as you wish. If you want a person to change, first question your own desire to see them change (Byron Katie questions) and discover what is true for you. Often when you think someone or something should change, you are getting into that someone else's business. Ask the 4 questions that Byron Katie poses, and see what your turnaround is.

Resisting, struggling, or fighting against another person or situation will leave you with overwhelming feelings of negativity, and any "progress" you may find through pushing your agenda is often temporary, empty, or results in worsening the situation.

Ultimately with other people, their issues and behaviors are not yours to fix. You cannot make another person behave the way you want them to. You can only point out to them how you feel when they behave that way - that is your truth. Then they can decided what that means to them - which is their truth.

"John/Jane, When you do XX, I feel XX." Let them decide what their truth is; let go of expecting them to see your point or to change. No one "should" or "shouldn’t" do anything; for there is no "proper behavior" barometer out there. There is only the barometer of truth within each person, and that truth is for that individual only. If someone else cannot accept you for you, and you are having difficulty accepting their behavior, continuing in that vein is only harmful to both parties.

This empowering action is the Universe lining you up with, and disconnecting you from, those who no longer are in alignment with you. This is the Universe working through you, and it shows you who you are, so that you know your truth.

Full Moon Morning

I look at this enormous moon and nothing can describe its vastness and the reality of it. Today's date and the moon's symbology for me is profound: the 13th, 13 representing ascended masters, particularly the feminine; the full moon representing the feminine.

It is minus 10 degrees Fahrenheit, so cold that even the frigid river water warms the air, letting go of its steam.

I step out of the car expecting to be assaulted by the Arctic temperature, but the air and cloudless sky reveal a dry cold that poses a greater risk of my face becoming a poster child for Oil of Olay than my fingers freezing to my camera.

Warm in my downy jacket, I boldly move to a better position across the parking lot to take pictures of the moon.

I shoot, look at the viewer. That can't be right. Shoot again, look at the viewer. Hm...the largest the moon has appeared in years, closer to Earth than it has been in years, brighter to the human eye than it has been in years, and yet it looks so small in the viewer. I look up, it is enormous. I look down...tiny. I zoom, shoot again, zoom, shoot again. And again, observing whether the reality of the viewer has changed. It has not.

It occurs to me that a "master photographer" could possess the right lens, filters, or camera to shoot the exactness of what I see - but I know in my heart that this is not true. No matter what camera, lens or filter I have, no matter who the photographer is, only variations of this beautiful specter can be created as it moves so slowly across the morning sky that it seems to hang on the frozen atmosphere.

It also occurs to me that to believe I might replicate it in a physical medium such as photography, has a misunderstanding at its core. For every physcial thing that we see before us has an energetic element too. This is why our breath is taken away when we "see" the beauty of nature. We are not just seeing with physical eyes. What makes a site so beautiful is not about what the "naked eye" sees, but the what the soul sees, too.

I look at this enormous moon. It is larger than life. Yet it is so small I can barely conceive of its role in the cosmos. It is humorous that a little physical being such as myself is attempting to reflect in the format of photography what the universe has created in its profound power and vastness. Luckily, being a part of the universe makes me a part of that joke, and I smile at my smallness, and at my vastness.

Photography is my way of honoring and loving the very beauty of the power that created us.

Life shines through us like the light of the sun reflecting off the moon, reflecting off of the Talkeetna Mountains. We are never doing, we are never thinking, we are never breathing. We are beign breathed, being thought, being done.

So this morning I released the need to capture the essense of the moon, and just allowed the moon to shine through my photos as it would; allowed myself to be thought and breathed, allowed the doing to flow through me.

That is as close as I can come to honoring the vastness and reality of the moon and my life.

And now, here comes the sun.

Counter Creatures

For as long as they've been the three meowscateers, my cats' favorite pasttime is to wait for me to leave the kitchen/dining room area so they can play on the kitchen counters, forage in the drain traps in the sink, try to open all the cupboards (which now have baby locks), and check the floor for crumbs.

I could go through all the sanitation reasons as to why I don't like this. I could go through the cats' health reasons, but in the end it simply drives me nuts. Freakin' nuts!

And they know it. I come out of the bedroom to get a glass of water and I'll hear three thumps, and scurrying feet, see tails and identifiable cat fur streaking from the kitchen to hide cleverly behind the couches in the living room. And then they peak around behind the furniture, hoping I might be so incredibly dense as to not notice them.

Poppy, on the left, is the Evil Genius and the Queen of the Pack (note she has the remote control), though she does suffer occassional embarrassments from her hair fetish, which can be difficult to get untangled from. Cali, on the right, is a Zen Buddhist Kitty by Day, and a Ninja Kitty by Night. She actually has a "look" for each of her personnas. Above we've caught her in "the change" - like the Hulk, her green eyes are beginning to show, and soon she'll become Ninja Kitty by Night. Aagh! Run! Flee!

Nicolai, named after the Alaska village and Iditarod checkpoint by an 8-year-old Iditarod enthusiast (now 15 going on 30), is the bad-boy scapegoat. He's the Boss, and the loaner. If he could smoke and grease his hair back, he would. He's Thomas O'malley the Alley Cat with an attitude.

This is his most innocent face.

"Yeah, I'm real innocent. Just wait until she leaves the room!"

Cute to a one-time observer, but when this happens all the time, and you see the waftering fur on the counters, and they're grazing on watery chunks of God-knows-what in the drain trap, and they're licking on what laying on the counters?...Agh! No!!

So, since I've lately been studying Byron Katie, I decided to apply her four-question technique to this situation. It starts with making a statement about something that really really bothers you in your life - something that creates struggle. My statement: I don't want the cats to get on the counters. Then you ask these four questions:

1) Is it true? My firm and emphatic reply was "YES!"

2) Is it absolutely true? My more thoughtful, still firm reply was "Yes."

3) How do you react when you think this thought? I get tense, I feel anger and frustration. They're impertinent! Disrespectful! It pisses me off! (Disprespectful? At this point, I'm sniggering at myself, but this is really how into this "story" I get!)

4) Who would you be without the thought? I felt good, peaceful. I had visions of the cats playing on the counters in the sunlight. In front of me. Never-before-seen-footage of them walking about the stove, the toaster, the fruit bowl. No problem. In fact, I was calm, more relaxed, more loving toward them and everyone around me in the room. I felt nothing but love toward them.

And the final step to the process is that you turn your statement around: I want the cats to get on the counters. And as Byron Katie says, "Yes, that's good, but there's one more way to turn it around - what is it?"

I want to get on the counters.

I laughed out loud! (The cats flew off the couch - "Run! She's gone mad!") How hilarious! How silly! And yet I think about the cats and me on the counter, playing, being happy. And why not? Let it go. There are better battles to fight.

And that's just it, isn't it? The Universe is always loving and humorous. Always, every time, without question. The only battles out there are the ones we choose.

And I found that the real trick to this process is that after you ask the questions and see the wisdom, you have to embody the wisdom. You have to walk your new-found truth. Not an easy walk, but one worth taking. All over the counters if you have to. I'm working on it - me and the Ninja cats...

Authentic Power: the Path of the Masters

"To live without a stressful story, to be a lover of what is, even in pain - that's heaven. To be in pain and believe that you shouldn't be in pain - that's hell."
- Byron Katie, A Thousand Names for Joy


How can you find peace when you are surrounded by unpredictable and antagonistic situations, people, and events?

We tend to look outside of ourselves to figure out how to make everything and everyone harmonize with us. But if you are trying to get to San Diego from Phoenix, you do not drive to Denver. And by looking outside of yourself to make you feel better, you are driving the wrong direction. The only place you can ever look to feel peaceful, happy, and fulfilled is inside of yourself.

Take a Journey...

My Journey started when I began to examine what life was, what my existence was about. I began to see that anger wasn't a result of what people had done to me in the past; it was a result of my choosing to dwell on that past. I was my source of my anger. And every time I continued to bring up the past, my anger was justified and I perpetuated it. I kept it alive by staying the victim.

Powering Through...

I discovered that "Power" isn't about making others apologize or be nice to me, or about changing the past or wielding influence over another. True Power is an individual choice and a perspective: You can choose to be happy in this moment, or to continue being unhappy about the past. Staying in the moment is true Power. Because to choose being in the moment is to choose how you feel. The story goes that when China invaded Tibet, a western journalist asked the Dalai Lama how he could be so peaceful in the face of such violence. The Dalai Lama asked the journalist, "Should they also take my mind?"

This is Power...

So try this Eckhart Tolle exercise to be fully in the moment: Just for this moment, feel your awareness as you sit in your chair. Observe yourself. Feel your hands from the inside - not by using your mind to think about them, just notice what your hands feel like from the inside. Are they large or small? Tingling or heavy? Can you feel your feet from the inside? Notice how they feel for a moment. That feeling in your feet and hands is your consciousness, who you really are. Notice your breath as it fills up your lungs, then notice the air as it exits your body. This intense noticing of your body and its "beingness" is Awareness, your Being, you in the Now.

Do you see how there is only your hands and your feet when you are doing this? Do you see how in the moment of noticing your hands and feet, you let go of the past and those feelings associated with past events? Try also feeling your head, your ears, your legs, your whole body. The more you practice this, the longer you can do it, the clearer you become. Other ways to be in the now include creative endeavors, such as drawing, carpentry, dancing, martial arts, and writing. Try any of these and notice how you delve completely into your creation. You let go of the need to control, and yet you are still very in control. The difference is that you are aware.

This moment - the Now - is all there ever is. Our "mental mind" tells us differently, that we have to focus on our past and worry about the future. But past and future do not exist. Our mental mind tells us "of course they exist! Look how screwed we were last time! We must be prepared so we are not screwed the next time!" and then tries to get us to worry about the future again so that we don't get screwed again, so that we can watch "them" even more carefully, so that we can know when we're about to be duped or hurt, so that we can have a witty or intelligent retort ready, so that we can prevent horrible things or great embarrassments, so that we can figure it all out, so that we can make our next move, etc. etc. etc.

Let that go. Sit in your chair, feel your body in that chair, your feet on the ground. You are grounded like a tree, your energy radiates up to connect with the sky. You are here in the Now. This is your Power. This is a spiritual practice. When you practice it, you are exercising your spiritual muscle. Soon, as your muscle builds, it becomes easier, and you begin to feel good about life, yourself, your relationships, your path, your choices. You let go of the need to be in control, and suddenly you see that you are in control. Because when you are being still, and in the Now, you can hear the wisdom of your intuition.

Feel Good...

The only thing we are required to do to lead a fulfilled, happy, prosperous life, is to feel good and be in the moment.

Our bimonthly group is practicing noticing when we feel fear, frustration, annoyance, etc. This practice is primarily to dissipate negative feelings by bringing our attention to the emotion. When we observe our negative feelings, our awareness processes it quickly, and it dissipates almost as soon as you turn on the "oberservation mode." Below is the exercise our group is practicing for the next two weeks. After a few weeks, I'll blog about the group's general observations.

To learn more about being in the Moment, check out Eckhart Tolle's books or CDs titled "A New Earth" or "The Power of Now". To learn more about why feeling good will benefit you overall, read or listen to the Abraham-Hicks book or CD "The Law of Attraction". These books are just a few that I have read recently, but there are many other wonderful spiritual teachers with books, CDs, and DVDs out there, so find the ones that jump out at you, and try them!

Eckhart Tolle, Abraham, Byron Katie, and other spiritual leaders say that nothing is more important than that you feel good. This exercise is about noticing how often and why negative feelings arise, and how when we are in the moment and being aware, these bad feelings tend to process and dissipate. For the next several days, your homework is to notice whenever you feel bad - sad, frustrated, annoyed, defensive, angry. Notice the negative feelings, then ask yourself:

* Do I want someone else or something else to change to make me feel better?
* Am I judging me or someone else?
* Am I defending my position for feeling bad?

Then take the perspective of the Observer who is watching your negative feelings. Just notice them from an aware, conscious place. When you do this, what happens to your feelings?

Try not to beat yourself up or judge yourself as you observe, just notice what your feelings are, and watch them dissipate. This is a spiritual practice, so try it for the next several days until our meeting, and see if it doesn't make you more aware of old patterns.

A Little Spot of Mayhem

Today is a day of choosing, symbolized by the vote. After unplugging from the news for a few weeks now, I feel so much better, and have been spending the extra time reading, going for walks in nature, and doing fun or creative things I don't often give myself time to do.

Recently I heard that there is a possibility that the outcome of the election could result in bad things: mayhem, destruction, even blood shed. Not good stuff.

That this news came to me tells me that I would benefit today by keeping the TV turned off, and instead putting my attention on positive things, focusing on good, finding things that make me feel good. Because everything I see happening outside of a myself, correlates to an issue going on inside of me. In other words, because the suggestion of possible mayhem came up in my "outside" experience, I have a little spot of mayhem inside of me.

When I see spots of mayhem, I know it's time to laugh with my daughter over a game of Tivial Persuit, bundle up and walk my Brandy dog on beautiful snowy trails, write, paint, and do for me what I love to do. While some see this as "selfish" or as me covering my ears and saying "lalalalala" don't wanna hear, don't wanna know, it is actually me showing the universe what I want more of ... I am harnessing the law of attraction.

When I feel good and do things that make me feel good, I am asking for more good to come to me, and in turn, this adds to the field of consciousness that we are all a part of. Therefore, this adds a little more good, a little more joy, a little more love to our world. So if a person chooses to look for and then spend time watching mayhem unfold, they will be feeling fear, tension, and possibly anger. But my hope is that they will join me in feeling good, letting go of the desire to watch whether mayhem unfolds, and instead focus on enjoying the rest of this beautiful day.

Much love and light to everyone on this day of choosing. Off to do those little things for me.